Children are such interesting beings. Their thoughts, feelings, and emotions develop at a rapid pace, and sometimes it’s hard for them to adequately describe and communicate them.

The parenting world is booming with information, experts everywhere, tools and resources, online courses…etc., but as a parent, sometimes we just want to be reassured that what our kids are feeling, is normal!

Speaking of normal what is normal for kids anyway?! I know for my family, my young kids can do some pretty interesting things, and the differences between my kids? Man, we are talking majorly different personality types. Knowing that each kid is unique in how they see and feel about this world, makes it hard to zero in on “normal.”

Has your child ever approached you out of the blue about something that makes them worry or you can sense their fear about it? For us, it was my daughter’s SUDDEN fear of the dark and being alone in her bedroom all night. What made this especially interesting was that she had been sleeping in her room alone since she was a few months old! This all happened with no changes to our routine, no “newness” in the room, no big life transitions happening.

It left me puzzled, clueless…and quite frankly exhausted from hearing her scream every time I left her room after some reassuring, reaffirming words, and affirmations. We really had no choice but to ride it out.

Things like bugs, spiders, monsters, the dark, and strangers are all common childhood fears that can result in a little bit of anxiety in a child.

Did you know this actually a good thing?

While we never enjoy seeing our kids scared, it does mean they are making deep connections from the outside stimuli and associating it with a feeling. These types of anxiety are completely normal and even serves the purpose of preventing us from doing something dangerous, and can even act as a motivator.

Typically, this anxiety subsides when the child re-engages with an activity before the trigger occurred. For my daughter, it was the reassurance from us that she was safe, protected, and never alone, as well as the visual cue of a nightlight in her room. While it did require some repetition over a few nights, our consistency helped her get a handle on that anxiety to productively work through it without feeling isolated.

But when does anxiety move from normal to problematic? When it begins to interfere with your child’s functioning. This may look like avoiding certain situations, things, people, or places in a repeated pattern.

For my daughter, this could have looked like:

  • Stalling bedtime. Doing anything and everything to prolong the process to avoid going in her room.
  • Avoiding going into her room alone at any time of day
  • Emotional escalation at bedtime (excessive crying, prolonged tantrums, screaming…etc)

These things could signal an anxiety disorder, but how did that develop?! With no changes in routine, no life changes, no new transitions, constant love and reassurance through those emotional storms, I’d feel lost about how this even manifested itself!

The truth is, anxiety disorders are caused by genetic, environmental factors, and well…biology; however, life situations and learned behaviors can play a role here. Usually, an anxious child has anxious family members. You know the old saying “monkey see, monkey do”? Well, children model the behaviors that they most often see.

Now before you worry that your child may have an anxiety disorder, you must know that not all anxiety disorders are equal. There are many different anxiety types like:

  • Separation Anxiety (outside of age-appropriate separation anxiety)
  • Generalized Anxiety
  • Phobias
  • Panic Disorders
  • Social Anxiety
  • OCD
  • Selective Mutism

If all of this has you feeling overwhelmed (or ahem…anxious), let’s breakdown exactly what anxiety in children looks like. There are both physical and psychological things at play here, and much depends on the age of the child and their type of anxiety disorder. 

General symptomology includes:

  • Increased Irritability
  • Excessive Crying
  • Tantrums
  • Stomach or Headaches
  • Chest Pain
  • Sleeping Difficulties
  • Frequent Reassurance Seeking
  • Situational Avoidance
  • Rigidity

As parents we try to be all the things and do all the things and it is important to note that if your child has an anxiety disorder, you are not journeying through this alone, and you haven’t done anything wrong. Guilt-shaming yourself into thinking you’ve messed up your child is a slippery slope, so please remember to be gentle with yourself and seek help when you feel like you’ve exhausted all your options on your own.

A child should see a professional for treatment when:

  • Behavior disrupts family dynamics and everyday life
  • Child is upset multiple times a day/week
  • Child exhibits avoidance behavior
  • Child has difficulty interacting with peers
  • Child has trouble sleeping
  • Child develops compulsive behaviors and rituals
  • Child develops a pattern of physical symptoms
  • Child begins having panic attacks

Think of professional treatment as your ally (because we are). Parents often bear the weight of their children’s feelings, combined with the complex feelings of parenting. It’s hard and at times feels impossible. Seeking help for your child also seeks help for you as the parent. Children are amazing sponges, and the more we can help your family learn, the more beneficial it will be in the long run.

There are things you can do at home to help support your child’s anxiety treatment. If your child begins experiencing anxiety, remain calm. Calmness allows anxiety to not be reinforced. Couple your calm with support of your child when they face their fears and anxiety. Be honest with your child, but in an age-appropriate manner without providing too much information or over explaining. The book “Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents” is also a great resource to help you develop strategies to help your kiddo conquer their anxiety.

There are specific types of therapy available at CWCS to help children develop coping strategies for their anxiety: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Exposure Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), and Play Therapy are all proven therapy modalities to treat childhood anxiety. We are here to be a part of your child’s healing and want to be an extension of the support you and your child need. We have several providers who work with children and specialize in anxiety disorders. Check out our About page to read the bios of our clinicians or give us a call and we will work to find a provider that best suits your child’s needs.